It's Our Policy

My biggest pet peeve? Bad customer service. And bad drivers. But mostly bad customer service.

And how do I define good customer service?

Treat me like royalty.

I don't expect you to kiss my ring or dangle grapes over my mouth. I just expect you to make me feel important. Or even moderately important. Or maybe just acknowledge that I'm human.

I can handle most disappointments as long as someone understands my predicament.

Yesterday, a ticket agent at my United gate interrupted my phone call to inform me that my carry-on bag needed a tag because it would not fit on the miniature plane we would soon be boarding. As I continued talking to my client, trying to close a humor writing deal, I nodded to the ticket agent and reached for the tag. She wouldn't give it to me.

"I have to put it on your bag," she said.

"Excuse me for a minute," I said to my customer. Turning to the ticket agent, I said, "That's OK. I'll put it on the bag."

"No, sir, I have to put it on myself. It's required. It's my job to put it on your bag."

"Look. I've flown for years and I've always put these tags on my bag myself. And besides, I need to put it on the right handle so that it doesn't get ripped off."

"No sir. I MUST attach it to your bag."

"Look..."

Then, she faked right, moved left, and put the tag on my bag, without my permission, and then walked off.

I was speechless.

When I rejoined my customer, he said, "Well, you're not very funny after all."

Touche.

Here's the deal. Somewhere along the way, this ticket agent was told that she was supposed to put the tag on customer's bags - probably as a courtesy. It's not like it's part of the international flight baggage law code of conduct. But in her diligent-ed-ness, she was so determined to do her job, she manhandled me and my bag.

I'll be the first to admit that I lose my patience when a silly procedure is followed for no reason other than it's THE procedure. And in this situation, I could have just said, "Thank you" and let it go. But this woman interrupted my call, ignored my request, and then did what she wanted to do without the least bit of concern for common sense or my situation.

And that's the kind of irritation that leads to my inability to ignore the behavior. The total disregard for me as a human.

Unfortunately, that's life and that's the world we live in. People follow their own policies whether it makes sense or not.

After my phone call, which I hope was successful, I removed the bag tag, waived it in the air, and the put it where it belonged.

That's my policy.

Until next time, out of my way.

Ron

And So It Begins

I used to have a newspaper column until the editor, like many in the publishing world, decided to put the column online and expect me to write it for free. My initial response was to kindly thank him but decline his generous offer. But after giving it some thought, I decided to kindly thank him and decline his generous offer.

Money wasn't the issue. Honestly, I didn't write the column for the $50 in cold hard cash I received each month. Instead, I wrote the column because it forced me to be creative and to be funny. To my surprise, I found that there were people in my community who not only read it, they actually liked it. When it moved out of the paper and into an online format, however, I figured those same loyal fans were not as likely to look for the column online - especially since the newspaper was notorious about forgetting to post it on their website.

So, I'm now columnless, without a forum to express my creative humor writing gland. But after being inspired by the movie Julie and Julia, I realized how someone could have a broader impact through a blog. Unfortunately, I'm not cooking Julia Child recipes, showing funny viral videos, or dispensing indispensable business advice. Instead, I'm simply a humorist with a need to point out the idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies in the world. So, in my own small way, I have decided to focus this blog on what I believe may very well be the biggest problem facing every single individual on the planet: We just can't seem to get out of our own way to be content, successful, and beautiful. We're all idiots in one way or the other and the sad thing is, most of us never recognize our own idiocy.

This blog will be my opportunity to point out the idiocy in each of us and to analyze that idiocy in a funny way. I hope to tickle your funny bone while making you consider how to get out of your own way to become more idiot proof. Some of you will be more successful than others.

If you're so inclined to read this blog, I'd love to hear from you. Currently, there are only two readers - my wife and me (although my wife doesn't really read it) - but I hope to drive the readership into the teens by the end of this decade. Please join me in my quest.

Our world seems to be spiraling out of control. If we ever hope to get it back on track, we MUST help each other get out of our own way. And if we can't do that, the least we can do is make fun of each other.

Until next time, get out of my way.

Ron